ADVENTURES IN BEERLAND
| Vince Capano is a member of the North American Guild of Beer Writers. His blog Adventures in Beerland is now a regular feature of BeerNexus.com |
Caveat Emptor
| If you are one of those who never ask price the price of a beer or simply don’t care what you pay then by comparison you might call me frugal, parsimonious, or just plain cheap. I would disagree; I say it’s simply my being a smart consumer who doesn’t like to be taken advantage of, that is unless we’re talking beer the likes of Westvleteren 12, Trilliun Affogato, Pliny the Younger, or PBR (just seeing if you are paying attention). In those cases -as long as I get the beer- go ahead and take advantage. Last week I went to a bar that shall remain nameless (Brew & Kettle) and found that it was selling a 12 oz. pour of Maine Woods & Waters IPA for $10. I choose not to order it despite some heckling by two self styled beer authorities sitting next to me. After enjoying a more friendly priced beer I decided to move on to another pub. Good karma kicked in on that serendipitous stop (The Libertine) when I found it was selling that exact same beer in the exact same serving size for $5. Yes, that’s five, as the number of Great Lakes, the total of Marx Brothers, iambic or dactylic pentameter. More importantly it’s five as in half of ten. Knowing there is no free lunch I checked to see if the place was cutting any corners to keep their overhead, and therefore prices, down. I couldn’t find a one. The bar was illuminated by electric lights; nary a candle was in sight, it had multiple large screen color TVs not black and white, used a dishwasher (machine not person), and most importantly, all restrooms were indoors. We beer folks may sometimes think of our favorite pub as a clubhouse of sorts but it is first and always a business. It must make a profit to survive. That means even at $5 a glass the renown Libertine was still making money though admittedly the other one was making more. Of course that’s only true if people were buying the beer at the inflated price. I’m sure a few did, probably the same folks who also bought part of that bridge to Brooklyn and had Charles Ponzi as their trusted financial advisor. I gleefully ordered a $5 Woods & Waters and then another. Getting a deal is always a heartwarming experience. I eventually drank another two mainly so I could boast of drinking four beers for the price of two which is clearly twice as good as two for the price of one. Duly fortified I triumphantly returned to the Brew & Kettle to revel in watching those obnoxious “experts” continue to get bamboozled. Revenge, like a macro lager, is a dish best served cold. Price gouging is not the only tool in a bar’s rip-off repertoire. Glass size is a close second. Order a pint and you will often get the 14 ounce version minus another ounce or so thanks to a bad for you but good for the owner pour. In addition using glasses specifically designed to fool you into thinking they hold more liquid than they really do (check out the extra thick bottoms and heavy sides) bars use the Downsized Volume Price Ruse. In this move, beers they formerly sold in pints now come in 12 or 10 oz. pours. Needless to say while the liquid has decreased up to 25% the price you pay has remained the same. I asked one pub manager to justify this and he claimed it was the bar’s policy to serve higher alcohol beers (7% and above he said) in smaller sizes to prevent intoxication. He wouldn’t explain why, if that was the reason, I could nonetheless order two 8 oz. pours of the beer. My next stop was The Office Lounge, an average beer bar featuring the usual craft suspects. It was there I witnessed the In Plain Sight Glass Switcheroo Technique (IPSGST). The bar’s printed menu listed each beer’s ABV, price and serving size (fortunately it did not list calories). As soon as the customer orders the IPSGST begins. The bartender moves to the taps but at the last second intentionally reaches for the next smaller glass size. It’s so brazen that it works. No one would expect it. Furthermore very few people, if any, actually read or remember the menu’s particulars since the print size is small and the lights are dim. It is a maneuver brilliant in its simplicity and masterful in its effectiveness. I met several serious beer people there and noticed many ordered a beer that was listed as a full pint pour. The bartender smoothly moved into IPSGST mode and poured the beers into a squat glass that at best held 12 ounces. His only mistake was not realizing this group was made up of beer geeks all too familiar with this flimflam. The uproar was instantaneous. One of the group, a BeerNexus colleague in fact (sorry, no names, he wishes to keep his identity concealed so he can continue roaming bars righting wrongs) called over the bartender. “Why is the glass so small?” Unfazed, the bartender went with Universal Cop-Out #1 – “it’s a high alcohol beer.” “No, the beer has an ABV of 6.5%.” Feeling some pressure, the bartender, then said “well, that’s the serving size for the beer.” “No, the menu lists the size as a pint.” Panicking, the bartender had little choice but to go to the ultimate saver “do you want to speak to the manager?” Our champion of beer justice had a one word answer, “Absolutely.” The honcho quickly arrived and was told of the situation. As he started to shrug his shoulders we unveiled two bits of irrefutable evidence – the menu and the offending glass. Case closed. He then quickly huddled with the bartender and came up with yet another unreasonable reason for the glass substitution. “It seems we ran out of pint glasses and these were the only ones left.” Yes, he really said that. After our laughter died down, he came up with his official decree that was more Dilbert than Solomon like. His told the bartender to give everyone a few extra ounces in their glass just when it looked about 2/3 full. I’m guessing this arbiter supreme will still be at the Office Lounge for the foreseeable future but I can guarantee none of us will. The Red Leaf Tavern is generally regarded as one of the top craft beer bars on the East Coast. I was there for a 24 tap takeover by one of the hottest new breweries around, Cape May, from, what a surprise, Cape May (NJ). The beers were uniformly good with a couple approaching great. Most were available in 8, 12, or 14 ounce pours. Regardless of what size you selected all were served in the same 16 ounce glass. The trick was that the glass had markings on the side to indicate the amount of liquid making a single glass suitable for multiple volumes. While everything was honest at the Red Leaf I couldn’t help thinking that in the hands of a less reliable establishment this technique could add big bucks to a bar’s bottom line by lowering the bottom line. My last stop of the day was Magnification Brewery, only a few miles away. Two lines had formed in front of the place so I scientifically picked one by flipping an old Ballantine bottle cap I keep in my pocket for just such situations. The three rings of “Purity, Body, and Flavor” side came up so I moved to the line on the left. Good choice - it moved quickly. Once inside the building I saw it led to a wall of beer – cases and cases of four packs. It seems I had stumbled into one of Magnification’s wildly popular can release days. Plunk down your cash, grab some cans, and head to the bar for a draft or two. In a few minutes I found myself first in line. “What do you want buddy?” a voice said. Not wanting to offend the beer gods or the three impatient professional wrestlers behind me I responded quickly. “Do you have any new ones?” “Three” was the answer. Enjoying the influence of the day’s earlier consumption and the enticing smells of the brewery I forgot the golden rule of buying – know the product and price. “Give me one of each” I proudly said. It only took a short time to realize I was now $60 poorer with no idea what I had just bought other than it was beer. The one silver lining of it all was that each can in the 4-pack was a pint not 12 ounces. At least I had some credibility left as a semi-savvy beer consumer. I carried my new possessions to the bar and ordered a glass of double dry hopped New England IPA without knowing or caring about the size pour or if I had seen it somewhere else for less money. As I stared at my three 4-packs I realized none of that mattered much right now; I was drinking great beer. ============================ click to contact vince |
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April. 2018
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